Caged Bird!!!

Not in a good mode today, especially during working hours. When at work, time goes by very slowly and the atmosphere is quite frustrating. My scope of work in the project almost completed and I have nothing more to do. When I explained to the management that I’m running out of work, they started dumping silly job onto my desk just for the sake of making me busy which really sucks.

I really started to hate what I’m doing as I can’t find myself; and when I can’t find myself, I feel like dizzy, depressed and frustrated; but again this is only happens during working hours; after working hours or on Friday (my day off), its completely different and I try to have a good time.

I work for a Cypriot company and most of the managers are either Cypriots or Greeks, yesterday the GM has invited all of the Greeks and Cypriots for dinner ignoring the rest of the senior stuff, such things happens often, and I don’t really pay much attention to it. Nevertheless, It is really annoying, because some of the other guys knew about the dinner and got upset because they were not invited and they felt that such acts from the company is a kind of dis-respectfulness to their efforts in the project. You imagine how such small invitation to a dinner might be a great motivator to the team!!! but our management lack this sense and they are only good in writing circulars asking for extending working hours and for working over Fridays just to catch up delays due to poor management practices.

The bad thing about Construction Industry is that regardless of your qualifications or what certificates you posses; connections/references play a major role in finding a new job or even maintaining your current job; it’s a kind of a family/party business, to maintain your job, you just have to belong to a certain party and do like what others do. All of these things are totally against my nature, I don’t know how to do that. I don't like parties and I don't like to belong here or there, I just like to be myself and that's it. I wish they evaluate me based on technical knowledge rather than pure personal prospective. I'm not at the work place to be liked or disliked, I'm there to work and evaluation should be carried out based on performance and efficiency which is rarely the case (at least based on my experience over the past 10 years) 

I work very efficiently when I find myself in what I’m doing and when I have authority over what I’m looking after; but when I work for one-man-show organization, I stuck because I have very limited authority and I can’t move anywhere before asking for directions. It’s exactly like a bird in a cage, can only fly within the cage however he wants to break the cage, feel free and fly over the sky with no borders or barriers. 

Unfortunately, when the bird is set to be free, he can’t fly like other birds he can’t even compete with them because he is not used to be free. I’m afraid that I will be like that bird someday soon and be not able to fly like other birds.